Who gets Kari?
by Furinkazan
Summary: Watch it, the last one's pretty long... This is STILL a story about ending that accursed love triangle between Davis, T.K. and Kari. PG-13.
1. Dubious Beginnings

A ball covered in black and white patches lay on green grass. It stayed there for a few seconds, and then a shrill whistle split the air, and the madness began.  
  
A shoe came in right behind the ball, a shoe with many spikes on the bottom, and kicked it, sending it flying. It sailed forwards until it bounced on the ground, and another pair of shoes began dribbling it back the way it had come. It got a quick kick sideways, and came to another pair of feet who continued to take it back up the field.  
  
Then another foot kicked the ball from those currently in possession and went back the way the ball was originally going.  
  
If you can't tell by now, you're hopeless.  
  
Davis was playing in a big playoff soccer game, and had invited the other Digidestined to come watch him. A few of the original ones couldn't come; Matt had band practice, Sora was helping her mom with something, and Mimi... well, she was in America.  
  
But everyone else was there, cheering on Davis' team. Tai was definitely the loudest, proud as he was of his protegee. Everyone other then him cheered normally, slightly embarrassed by his... exuberant... displays... Of course, Kari was jaded to this sort of thing, and cheered almost as loud as him.  
  
Which ticked T.K. off REALLY bad.  
  
*Stupid Davis,* he thought, *he's not even doing well, but he's managed to get Kari to cheer for him. Bastard...*  
  
As he heard her cheering for him, Davis turned to the stands, smiled, and waved at Kari... and promptly got nailed in the face with the ball. As he lay on the ground, eyes spinning, he could hear Kari giggle, "Silly Davis..." He made an effort to get back up, but got trampled by all the other players trying to get to the ball. Kari laughed even louder.  
  
*Grrrrr...* thought T.K..  
  
*****  
  
Everyone was congratulating Davis, after the game, on how the goal he'd scored at the last second had turned a horrible loss into... a slightly less horrible loss.  
  
"That was awesome, Davis!" said Yolei. "That was a great goal! And you're real good at heading those balls!"  
  
He laughed. "Um... y-yeah... heh heh..." He'd gotten quite a number of balls in the head, but none of them intentionally. They'd all been accidents. "All that practice must have paid off--"  
  
T.K. snorted. "Yeah, right." *What a dumbass! I can't believe they let him on the team!*  
  
Davis turned to face him. "And what's wrong with my game now?"  
  
Before they could start arguing, Cody intervened. "Look, could you guys not argue just for tonight? I want to get home before midnight..."  
  
They all laughed, though T.K. and Davis were obviously faking it.  
  
*Why does Davis have to be such a moron?!*  
  
*Why does T.K. have to be such a stuck-up ass-hole?!*  
  
*Why's he looking at me funny?!*  
  
*Why's he looking at me funny?!*  
  
Kari looked at both of them, and seeing that they'd gone into another stare contest, sighed and walked away. Noticing her lack of presence, Davis ran after her. "Hey Kari, wait up!"  
  
Everyone dispersed then, though T.K. just stood there, seething inwardly at Davis' mannerisms. *Man, why won't he just give up on Kari! Doesn't he realize that Kari could never like an imbecile like him? But yet he succeeds... the bastard.*  
  
His thoughts continued along this line for quite some time.  
  
*****  
  
Somewhere in a dark void, a voice rang out to no one in particular.  
  
"Da de dum dum... I get no kicks from champagne..."  
  
Another voice interrupted.  
  
"Hey, man! What's up?"  
  
"Mhm, mhm, nothin' much. Just tryin' to think o' somethin' to do."  
  
"Why don't you have some fun with anime?"  
  
"Look, man, I ALREADY tried writing some stuff, but nobody liked it... mhm, mhm... stupid infidels... maybe I could check if they're still burning in my own personal hell--"  
  
"No, man! I mean actually tweak a series and queeren it up."  
  
"I like, I like, mhm, mhm. Explain."  
  
"Well, you take some anime universe... then you choose the characters you want to mess with... sorta like the fic you tried making..."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. But you get the idea, right?"  
  
"Sure. What should I do it in? Mhm mhm."  
  
"Well, I can only say that you'd better not screw up Nadesico. Or EVA. Or--"  
  
"How about Digimon? I could work with that. Yeah! Stupid Davis... mhm mhm... funny though... and I could get them to end--"  
  
"Look. Don't tell me what you're going to do. Especially if you're doing... Digimon. Ugh, I'd shudder, but I'm not solid right now..."  
  
"Aw, c'mon! EVERYBODY likes Digimon!"  
  
"No! NO!! STOP IT!!!"  
  
"Mhm, mhm... right. I'll get started right now. See ya."  
  
"Ahem... um... yeah. Peace." 


	2. Enter The Void

Davis was lying in bed, thinking. Pretty rare occurrence, him thinking, but nevertheless...  
  
*Man, I'm really starting to get tired of having to compete with that ass-hole T.K. for Kari's affections. Why won't she just make a choice and tell him straight out that he's not her type?*  
  
He sighed. *I don't understand it! Somehow he never really gets on her wrong side, even though he's such a bastard. Shit! I really should try to get her to see how much better for her I am...*  
  
All of a sudden, a voice entered his head. *Would you like a chance?*  
  
Davis sat up in a flash. "Who said that?!"  
  
*No one said anything... mhm mhm... technically...*  
  
"Who... no, WHERE are you?"  
  
*For all it matters, I'm in your head. Mhm, mhm. Don't worry, I'm not here to mess with it... not that there's much to mess with... mhm...*  
  
The insult passed right over... well, right through his head, if you'll excuse the pun. "So what is it you said at first?"  
  
*Geez... um-- oh yeah. Mhm, mhm. Would you like a chance to prove yourself to be better than T.K. in the eyes of your beloved?*  
  
Davis grabbed at the opportunity. "YES!"  
  
*Whoah, hey, don't yell! Mhm mhm. You can just think.*  
  
*Yeah... ok. I'd like to try it.*  
  
*Perfect. Now, Davis, here's what you need to do...*  
  
*Wait-- how do you know my name?  
  
*Shut up and listen to the plan! Mhm, mhm.*  
  
*****  
  
T.K. was lying in bed also, at the same time, thinking similar thoughts.  
  
*Man, one day Davis is really going to mess up my relationship with Kari. I just don't get how she could like him! He's so-- so-- AARRGH!!!*  
  
He shifted in bed. *And he practically fawns over her whenever she's around! He would have asked only her to come to his stupid game, but she insisted that everyone came. See, she's smart! That's why I like her! And, of course...*  
  
All of a sudden, a voice entered his head. *Would you like a chance?*  
  
T.K. frowned. *WTF... I'm hearing things.*  
  
*Yeah... mhm mhm... me.*  
  
T.K. kept his cool. *Who... no, WHAT are you?*  
  
*For what it counts, I could be your best friend. Mhm, mhm. Don't worry, I'm not here to harm you... I'm here to help you. Mhm.*  
  
The implication smacked him right in his face.. *Then you'll really help me get rid of Davis and have Kari all for myself?*  
  
*Geez... ya think?. Mhm, mhm. So you would like a chance to prove yourself to be better than Davis in the eyes of your beloved?*  
  
T.K. grabbed at the opportunity. "YES!"  
  
*Whoah, hey, don't yell! Mhm mhm. I'm right here.*  
  
*Yeah... ok. I'd like to try it.*  
  
*Perfect. Now, T.K., here's what you need to do...*  
  
*Say-- how do you know my name?*  
  
*Shut up and listen to the plan! Mhm, mhm.*  
  
*****  
  
The next day was a regular school day, and everything happened as normal. Until school ended...  
  
Everyone met at the usual spot, which meant Davis, Kari, T.K., Yolei and Cody. They chattered a bit, but then T.K. and Davis went really somber.  
  
"Say, T.K., could you come with me to the computer lab for a second?"  
  
"Sure, Davis, I was about to ask you the same thing."  
  
They were too wrapped up in the complications of the plans they had memorized, and didn't notice that both wanted to do the same thing. Kari, however, suspected that they were going to have a scrap, maybe even in the Digital World, and so she followed discreetly, telling the last two people of the group she'd be back soon.  
  
When they got there, both jumped apart from each other and grinned evilly. Both uttered some silly-sounding words, at exactly the same time: "BOKO GAZIBU/ZIZOBI NUKOKU/NUBOKO GAZIBU/ZIGI ZIBIDA/DO!!!" At this last word, all the screens in the computer lab began flickering with a strange light, which surrounded the two boys.  
  
Kari, having observed all this, rushed into the room. "T.K.! Davis! What are you doing?!"  
  
They both turned to her and said, now completely synchronous: "Don't worry, Kari. I'll be done soon. I just have to take care of this dangerous fool. He is endangering our relationship." Their voices were dead flat. They turned back to each other. "Now you may prepare to die."  
  
Just as the glow intensified, Demi-Veemon and Patamon hopped/flew into the room. "Hey guys!" said Demi-Veemon. "What's going--"  
  
Both boys turned, losing the dead expressions. But before anyone could do anything, a grey light enveloped all five of them... and they were gone.  
  
Yolei and Cody burst in a second later. They'd seen the light and knew going to the Digital World didn't do that. But no one was there...  
  
*****  
  
Davis and T.K. stood in a room of absolute blackness. There was no light, but they could see themselves and their Digimon perfectly. Veemon and Patamon were looking around, aimlessly.  
  
"Where the hell are we?" asked Davis, quite bewildered. This wasn't what he had been told...  
  
"Don't ask me!" T.K. didn't understand either. And unlike Davis he realized that they'd both done the same thing to each other, which T.K. had assumed only HE had been told.  
  
This being might not be as benefactory as he'd first thought...  
  
"Well," Davis smirked, "pretty soon you'll be outta my face and outta me and Kari's way. Whaddaya think about that, huh?"  
  
T.K. frowned. "We'll see, chump-boy."  
  
"Where the hell did you come up with that?"  
  
Veemon and Patamon shook their heads. "Oh, man..." said Veemon. "I really don't think this is a good thing."  
  
"No kidding," replied Patamon. "Hey, wait... you turned into Veemon, so that must mean we're in the Digital World!"  
  
A voice came from the encroaching darkness. "Actually, Patamon, that's half right. Mmph, mmhm" Everyone snapped to attention and looked around, but there was no apparent source of the voice.  
  
Davis laughed nastily at T.K. "This is where you go down."  
  
T.K. ignored him. "Hey!" he yelled out. "This isn't what we agreed on! And how did he know to do as I did?"  
  
The voice came again. "Well, to be honest with you... I actually WASN'T honest with you before. Mhm, mhm. Either of you."  
  
"Either...?" Davis was struggling to catch up.  
  
"Still, did either of you expect to get an easy win on this one? Mmhm, mhm! The prize is quite a valuble one, to both of you..." In the darkness, another figure became visible-- hanging limp in the air, Kari appeared in front of them.  
  
Both boys forgot enmity for a few moments. "KARI!!!" both cried out.  
  
"Oh, don't worry, she's not hurt. In fact, she's watching you right now, from outside her body. She's agreed to... mmph, mmhm... judge, in a way."  
  
Davis did the foolhardy thing, and ran towards her. But he didn't move from his spot. He was running, quite hard, but getting anywhere at all. "What the...?"  
  
"Ah-ah-ahhh, no touching the spoils of war, as it were, mhm, mhm. I've decided that you two are going to go through a series of tests. This is really the best thing to do, especially for Kari... and I have to admit, I believe I myself might have a soft spot for her--"  
  
"Don't you touch her!" T.K. growled.  
  
"Hey, c'mon! I'm omnipotent, I don't need to bother with mortal lives! I can find better sources of pleasure! Mhm, mhm. No offense, of course. But you should be glad that I'm finally getting this thing over for you."  
  
Patamon and Veemon weren't liking this one bit. "And how can we be sure that you won't hurt either of THEM?" asked Patamon.  
  
"Hey... they can only hurt themselves. Well, Kari's eventual decision might hurt one of them too... but that isn't really my problem. Don't worry, though-- mmhm, mhm-- I'll make sure nothing else hurts them."  
  
"And how can we be sure?"  
  
"Look, what reason-- what POSSIBLE reason-- would someone as powerful as me have for lying to you? I'm quite secure in my superiority, thank you very much. Mmph mmhm."  
  
"Well, I'm ready!" said Davis, ever the optimist.  
  
"Yeah, count me in too," said T.K. somberly.  
  
"Very well. Mhm, mhm. Let the tests begin!" 


	3. Questions, Questions

"Well, have you started yet?" The voice was in a dark void, with no source.  
  
Another spoke. "Yeah, I've got them all ready to... mhm, mhm... run the gauntlet."  
  
"I still can't believe you chose Digimon to mess with."  
  
"But it's so amazingly easy to do it there! Besides, they're kids! This may sound really cliche, but what can a bunch of kids do to ME?"  
  
"Yeah... but still, you couldn't have chosen something else?"  
  
"Oh, for fuck's sake... Look, what would you have preferred I do? I mean, YOU'RE the one who wanted to let me choose myself, mmph, mmhm. If you've got such a problem with it, then go away."  
  
"Fine! I will!"  
  
"Mmhm. Good riddance."  
  
"I heard that!"  
  
*****  
  
Davis and T.K. stood alone in the quasi-darkness, seeing each other but nothing else. And they couldn't change the distance between them: no matter what they did, they were ALWAYS a few metres apart.  
  
Which was probably a good thing, because they'd have torn each other apart if they could have.  
  
Right now they were awaiting the first of a series of challenges, tests, in order to gain the lovely Kari's affections. They hadn't been told of what any of the tests would be, just that the first one would be held between only the two of them, so their Digimon weren't allowed to help.  
  
Both glared at each other endlessly, cursing in their thoughts, until a shape began to materialize in the space between them. After a few seconds, what seemed to be a few wisps of smoke became an averagely built man, in a black felt (or something like felt) trenchcoat, impossibly black sunglasses, and black everything else, from boots to hair. His face was expressionless.  
  
He looked at both T.K. and Davis in turn, then smiled, and spoke. "Welcome, gentlemen, to the first challenge. Are you both ready?"  
  
"Wait-- what's your name?"  
  
"They Call Me The Cage. Now, are you ready?"  
  
"YES!" both shouted out at the same time.  
  
"Good. Mhm, mhm. Well, I'll explain the nature of this test: what you two must do is answer a certain number of questions to prove your knowledge of Digimon and their history."  
  
"Piece of cake!" said Davis confidently.  
  
T.K. was just as confident. "Heh, this should be easy."  
  
The being still smiled. "Indeed, mmph, mmhm. Well, we'll begin with the solo questions. Here--" two empty frames appeared in front of the two 'contestants'-- "these are what you will answer with. Just think your answer, and it will be displayed in this frame. Quite simple, really, mmhm, mhm. Shall we begin?"  
  
Another frame appeared in front of them, but a long, thin one. "The questions will appear in that. Davis, you're first."  
  
He punched the air, grinning. The first question appeared, and the being said it aloud; "Name ALL the stages, forms, etc., of Digivolution."  
  
"Easy! All right, there's... um... can I say it as if they would?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Great!" Davis' following sentences formed in pictures in his frame. "So there's 'Armor Digivolve', they can go from Rookie to Champion, then to Ultimate... Sometimes they can 'Warp Digivolve' right to Mega... umm, Champions can 'DNA Digivolve'... and that's all!"  
  
The being just looked at him, then laughed. "Wrong. T.K., care to correct him?"  
  
"Sure." Pictures appeared in T.K.'s frame also. "BEFORE Rookie, Digimon have to go from Digi-egg to two other forms, THEN they can go Rookie. Plus, DNA Digivolved Digimon can still Digivolve to Mega themselves, and can sometimes change forms."  
  
"Very impressive! Mhm, mhm. Point to you. The question for you is:" The question in the frame changed. "A bit easier-- There are four known cases of DNA Digivolving. What Digimon make up the three cases that have manifested themselves with the NEW Digidestined."  
  
"Hmm... All right: first came Veemon and Wormon, then Gatomon and Hawkmon... and... Oh yeah! Oops, I'd forgotten for a second there... it's Patamon and Armadillomon. Am I right?"  
  
The being shook his head. "No, actually. Davis, the question is open to you."  
  
Davis smirked. "Hmph. You forgot what you just said-- Digimon have to be Champion to DNA Digivolve."  
  
"Exactly," said the being, "and you don't need to elaborate. Point to you. Well, looks like this is going to be close..."  
  
*****  
  
After what seemed like hours of questions, the score was close. Very close. Almost impossibly close.  
  
Davis and T.K. were tied.  
  
The being had just asked them one last question, the final one, but neither one had the answer. "Well, I'm not surprised you didn't get it, it was a trick question; Complentricity NEVER won the F.A. cup!"  
  
As T.K. and Davis stood there, bug-eyed, a different voice cut through the darkness. "Holy shit, man! What kind of dumb-ass questions are you asking these two punks?" Another shadow materialized, and formed into a tall man with pale skin and heavy, white armor. A sword was sheathed at his side. "I mean, c'mon! That, while not even being fair, was a question that didn't even make any sense!"  
  
"Hey, if Monty Python can use it--"  
  
"Enough with your godsdammed Monty Python! And you just HAD to use someone else's handle didn't you?!"  
  
Davis was confused. "Whaddaya mean, Cage isn't his name?"  
  
Both beings looked at him. "Cage isn't ANYONE'S name. You really should pay attention to caps-- the handle is 'They Call Me The Cage'. But THIS guy's real name--" the being in armour gestured to the Matrix-esque being-- "is Evi--"  
  
"DON'T TELL THEM!!!" yelled the other being. He pulled out a long rifle with strange gadgets and pointed it at the first one. "TELL THEM AND YOU FEEL MY WRATH!!! Ooh, that sounded good. Voids have good reverberation for some reason--"  
  
T.K. stared at the big gun. "What the hell IS that?"  
  
The being smiled. "The first real Rail Gun. It shoots molten aluminum at extreme speeds. Nothing solid can stop it. Pretty sweet, eh? Would you like a demonstration?" He aimed it at the armoured being and pulled the trigger.  
  
In a flash, the shot melted a small hole in the center of the armour, burning through metal and flesh alike, and went through the back of the armour. The being didn't even flinch. After a second, both holes closed. "Are you quite done?"  
  
"Yeah, just showin' them the power of my Rail."  
  
"No kidding. And by the way," the being in armour said upon seeing T.K. and Davis' stares, "we ARE immortal."  
  
Davis was quickest to rebound. "But which one of us won the round?"  
  
Now it was Mr. Rail Gun's turn to go bug-eyed. "Um... oh yeah! Mhm, mhm. Sorry, but SOMEONE had to interrupt just before I told you the results..."  
  
"Oh, just shut up and tell them."  
  
"Right. The winner, so far... has not been decided." Everyone facefaulted. "What?! I ran out of questions! Mmhm."  
  
T.K. was seething. Again. *I can't believe it! How could he know as much as me? He's an idiot! A moron! I JUST DON'T GET IT!!!*  
  
Davis was actually happy with the result. *Wow, look at that! He actually tied with me! Now that he thinks he's almost as good as me, his eventual thrashing will be even MORE painful!*  
  
Both beings smiled upon hearing both boys' thoughts, then the one in armour turned to the other. "Well, that was pointless. See ya 'round." He dissipated.  
  
The two boys looked around. "Where'd he go?"  
  
"It doesn't matter, mhm, mhm. But for now, you can just call me Kharn."  
  
*****  
  
Unseen by Davis and T.K., Kari floated around them, as faded as the ghost a spirit of a spectre-- but I rant.  
  
She observed both, floating right before their eyes, and observing how they were reacting. She could also hear their thoughts, and took them into consideration.  
  
At first she'd been frightened for her life when she'd first been transported to this strange place, but when it had all been explained to her, she agreed, if only just to get a good laugh at what the two boys might do to get her.  
  
But as for the actual decision... well, not only did T.K. seem slightly more knowledgeable than he actually was, but his thoughts were not exactly very gallant.  
  
Davis was slightly better, but a bit dumb when it came down to it, though it did make him sort of funnny... then again, she'd known T.K. for years...  
  
What choice could she make? None yet. 


	4. Fight To The... Well, Not Death

Two boys stood in a strange darkness, looking around and being quite bored. They could see themselves clearly, but nothing else...  
  
But c'mon, you should have the hang of this by now.  
  
Davis and T.K. were waiting for the second challenge in the 'contest for Kari', as the being who'd set this all up said. The first had been a test of their knowledge, so they assumed this next would have something to do with strength...  
  
Kharn, the mysterious being mentioned above, appeared between the two, appearing as if from mist. He was still in black everything mode, though his rail gin was nowhere to be seen, and there was now a large, circular object hanging from his belt. It looked like an oversized CD player.  
  
"Well, guys, are you ready for the next challenge?"  
  
Both nodded.  
  
"Excellent! Mmhm, mhm. Now, in order to prove you have more qualities than your opponent, you two shall have a fight... of sorts."  
  
Davis frowned. "What the hell do you mean, 'of sorts'?!"  
  
"I mean, that you will fight each other-- but not with your bodies, mhm, mhm. You see, Kari might not just be out for a knowledgeable guy-- she might want him to have an imagination too."  
  
Kharn waved both hands, and suddenly the three were in a space of white, almost exactly the same as the previous void since they could see themselves, and the darkness/brightness, and nothing else.  
  
"So, to test your imagination, I'm going to let you choose anything-- and I mean ANYTHING-- you can think of, and you will fight with it. Of course, mmph, mmhm, I'll have to make some modifications to make the fight even, but that's all."  
  
"So how do we--" T.K. was rudely interrupted when behind each boy, a huge variety, range and etc. of weapons, mecha, and etc. appeared on immense racks, coming from one end of the white void and going to the other, filling the whole thing.  
  
Before anyone could say anything, T.K. turned to Kharn and said, "I hope you know, you're going to get your ass copyright-sued back to the Stone Age for this. I mean, the trench coat alone was obvious--"  
  
Kharn began to glow red. "Shut up. Now."  
  
"'kay," T.K. replied timidly.  
  
"Mhm. Now, as I was saying, you two may choose anything you want from behind you. Remember, this is a test of your imagination-- anything you can think of will be there. You both get two things each: one vehicle, and one hand-to-hand weapon. Begin."  
  
T.K. and Davis dashed around madly, trying to find the most powerful things they could think of. What would they choose?  
  
*****  
  
Half an hour later, they were ready. Kharn had transported their weapons to the battlefield already, so that they wouldn't be able to devise anything beforehand. Both were getting ready, when Kharn reappeared and said, "The fight begins now."  
  
Abruptly, they were in their vehicles, on opposite sides of a large field. Above them, in huge writing, appeared a line of words, which were also said out loud by a booming voice: "DEATHSCYTHE HELL CUSTOM GUNDAM VERSUS BIG GIANT ROBOT THING!!!" And after a few seconds, "FIGHT!!!"  
  
T.K. had the big Gundam, while Davis had chosen some large, strange robot which was covered with small chain gun turrets. Both rushed at each other, T.K. swinging his scythe and Davis letting loose with a humongous fist. Both collided without causing much damage to each other, and they jumped back a bit apart.  
  
Davis fired all his turrets all at once, which forced T.K. evenfurther back, but T.K. then leaped again and swiped with the energy blade on his scythe. Davis stepped back, but a number of his guns were sheared off. Before T.K. could recover, he rammed the Gundam's chest plate rapidly, which knocked T.K. back.  
  
This continued for a while, and by the end of the match both mecha were extremely battered. Davis' had no turrets left at all, and T.K.'s scythe had folded in on itself. They were reduced to pounding on each other with big metal fists.  
  
And, all of a sudden, both mecha froze at the same time, and inside each, red lights and loud alarms warned Davis and T.K. that they couldn't fight anymore. Writing reappeared in the sky, and the voice came back. "TIE!!!'  
  
In the next instant, both stood in the same field, but their mecha had disappeared, and beside each lay their hand-to-hand weapons. T.K. picked up a large sword which appeared to have parts of a gun melded into it, while Davis grabbed his extremely large sword, which sported an assortment of colourful stones...  
  
They looked at each other's weapons for a few moments.  
  
"FF7?"  
  
"FF8?"  
  
Both shook off the shock of such a coincidence, T.K. doing this faster. He aimed his gunblade at Davis and let losse. They hit Davis, but funnily enough, all that happened was that he flinched. Then he jumped and slashed at T.K., which got the same reaction.  
  
They waited for a few seconds, then T.K. actually went and slashed Davis back. But Davis, this time, spun his sword in front of him, put it on a magnetized clip on his back (?) and thrust his hands forward. He yelled at the top of his lungs, "FIRE THREE!!!", and T.K was then engulfed in big balls of fire.  
  
"Hey, no fair! I never figured out how magic worked in FF8!" cried T.K., who could do nothing but shoot at Davis again.  
  
"Are you kidding?! It was easy!" Davis cast another spell, and this time he yelled "ULTIMA!!!" and a green blast surrounded them.  
  
This hurt T.K. quite a lot, and he began to glow red. He then slashed wildly at Davis, doing quite a lot more than he previously had. This, in turn, triggered Davis' limit break, who did practically the same thing.  
  
This battle was beginning to get repetitive, and so Kharn, from his hidden vantage point, waved his hand at the two boys. Their weapons disappeared, and they were left to a plain old fist-fight.  
  
This lasted quite a while longer, and neither got much of an advantage. When they stopped fighting, it was because they could no longer move. They were tired, bloodied, and just couldn't take any more.  
  
They fell to the groud beside each other, panting from the exertion. "So... did... I... win?" asked Davis weakly.  
  
"No... I... won... I... did... much... better..." was T.K.'s reply.  
  
"Actually, mhm, mhm, both of you broke even. Again."  
  
Davis and T.K. looked up at Kharn. "WHAT?!?" was all either of them could say.  
  
"Indeed. In fact, your imaginations were proven to be actually quite limited, and that last little bout showed that you're both also equally matched in strength, mmhm, mhm."  
  
Davis slumped back. "Oh, for..."  
  
"You've got to be kidding us!" T.K. said. "Did we really perform exactly the same?"  
  
"Yes, you did, mmph, mmhm. I've kept a very close eye throughout this whole thing, and on the scale, you two measure up the same to the very smallest possible unit of weight or distcance or whatever it is that was trying to be measured here."  
  
"Then... what do we do now?" asked Davis.  
  
"Well, Kari gets a bit more time to look through the results, uninformative as they are, and then she chooses, and then I send you all back. Quite simple, really, mhm, mhm."  
  
Kharn waved his hands once more over the two combatants, and all their wounds were instantly healed. "In the meantime, you two can do whatever you want. Oh," he waved one hand idly, "here are your partners back."  
  
Veemon and Patamon appeared on the field, rushed over to the two and asked all those questions thet a really nice but really annoying friend would ask. You don't need to hear/read them here.  
  
And, still invisible to them all, Kari watched T.K. and Davis, trying to make a decision.  
  
Even though their wounds had been healed, they were still too tired to think, so Kari had to listen to the conversations they had with their Digimon. They were normal, as far as she could tell, and forgot that idea.  
  
The time of choosing was drawing near. And she still hadn't decided...  
  
She looked at Kharn, and wondered--  
  
*No,* she thought, *that wouldn't be right. Davis and T.K. fought hard to get me. I couldn't leave them for...* She let the thought trail off.  
  
*Could I?* 


	5. Final Decision

A/N: This is the fifth and final installment of "Who Gets Kari?", which is, as I see it, a culmination of me reading all those scores of Takari cluttering the web, along with those few Daikari. I won't spoil it for you, but this is an ending that will really mess with your head. Make sure you read the whole thing. Blah blah blah...  
  
*****  
  
Davis and T.K. awaited the final verdict of their challenge in the dark void. They didn't have anything to do, and boredom was settling in.  
  
T.K. looked at Davis. "You know, she IS going to choose me."  
  
Davis glared back angrily. "Do we have to argue about this AGAIN?!"  
  
"Well, there really isn't much else to do. Can you suggest something better?"  
  
But he was stumped, because there actually WASN'T anything else to do.. "Ok, you're right... but do we need to argue?"  
  
"That's true, we've been arguing way too much all this time. Say... why DID we start arguing in the first place, anyway?"  
  
At that moment, Kharn, the trench-coated god, appeared in the void between T.K. and Davis. "All right... you guys want something to do? 'Cause I've got something that just might help you kill some time. Mhm, mhm." He waved a hand and two CD players materialized in front of each, with a pair of those headphones that cover your whole ear with each.  
  
"Ooh!" Davis leapt at his own CD player and opened it... but it was empty. Same for T.K.'s.  
  
"Umm, yeah, mmph, mmhm... I wasn't sure what kind of music you guys would want... here--" he took the large disc still on his belt, extended it, and gave it to the boys-- "you two can choose what you want."  
  
The disc appeared to be a compact CD holder, capable of infinite storage. Davis found something he liked first, which was an anime soundtrack for "Shadow Skill". T.K. himself went for some U2.  
  
They listened for a while, Kharn having formed his own player and having chosen something from Nirvana, and killed about an hour's time, when Kari herself appeared in the midst of them. She had apparently used some of Kharn's abilities to make herself look more beautiful than usual. In fact, not only were Davis and T.K. stunned, Kharn himself seemed surprised by her appearance.  
  
She smiled for a second at their reactions, then went serious. She walked towards the group, T.K. on her left, Davis on her right, and Kharn in the middle. She stopped right in front of them.  
  
First she turned and walked in front of T.K.. "Well, T.K., I've known you for a long time, and we're good friends... and you are pretty smart... but would you really like to ruin our friendship by this?"  
  
Next she went to Davis. "You, on the other hand, Davis, are a lot more... um... emotive... than T.K.... and I have to say, while you may not be the smartest, you sure are cute whan you act dumb... But we don't really know each other well enough for anything."  
  
And, surprisingly, she then turned to Kharn. "But YOU... YOU'VE got power, YOU'VE got a good heart, YOU look REAL good, and the list could go on..." She put a hand to his chest. "... but I've already made my choice.  
  
"I'll go with Kharn."  
  
"WHAT?!?" yelled the three guys at the same time. Then they all started talking, Kharn about how this was unacceptable, T.K. about how this wasn't fair, and Davis about how he was superior to Kharn in many ways...  
  
She silenced the three of them with a raised hand. "Look, I've made a decision. Kharn, it's your decision."  
  
He looked at Kari, trying to find some words. "Uh-- well-- s-sure, I g-guess... mhm..."  
  
She smiled happily and jumped into Kharn's arms, who, still looking funny, dematerialized them all back to the real world.  
  
*****  
  
Davis and T.K. walked down a street. They didn't know what street it was, but as long as they kept busy by walking, they might be all right.  
  
Both were devastated by Kari's choice. How could she? How could she choose some omnipotent being over one of two of her best friends?  
  
Well, all right, that's obvious, but they hadn't thought Kari would be drawn to that...  
  
And now all they could do was walk it off.  
  
Davis looked up from his feet. It had been dark for a while now, and they should be home already, but... they just didn't feel like it. "Hey, T.K.... wanna drink? On me, I guess."  
  
T.K. looked at the bar Davis was indicating. "Since when do we drink, man?"  
  
"Hell, seems like a great time to start."  
  
"No shit."  
  
*****  
  
The atmosphere inside the bar was still loud with talk and heavy with smoke although the barkeep was doing all those things barkeeps do when they think it's time to close, like turn some of the lights out, wind up the clock, put a cloth over the taps and, just in case, check the whereabouts of their baseball bat with the nails hammered in it.  
  
Not that the customers were taking the slightest bit of notice, of course. To most of this bar's clientele even the nailed bat would have been considered a mere hint.  
  
However, they were sufficiently observant to be vaguely worried by the tall dark figure standing byu the bar and drinking his way through its entire contents. He wore a large, black trenchcoat, with a large hood that hid his face.  
  
Lonely, dedicated drinkers always generate a mental field which ensures complete privacy, but this particular one was radiating a kind of fatalistic gloom that was slowly emptying the bar.  
  
This didn't worry the barman, because the lonely figure was engaged in a very expensive experiment.  
  
Every drinking place throughout the multiverse has them -- those shelves of weirdly shaped, sticky bottles that not only contain exotically-named liquid, which is often blue or green, but also odds and ends that bottles of real drink would never stoop to contain, such as whole fruits, bits of twig and, in extreme cases, small drowned lizards.  
  
No one knows why barmen stock so many, since they all taste like treacle dissolved in turpentine. It has been speculated that they dream of a day when someone will walk in off the street unbidden and ask for a glass of Peach Corniche with A Hint Of Mint and overnight the place will become somewhere To Be Seen At.  
  
The stranger was working his way along the row.  
  
"What's that green one?"  
  
The barkeeper peered at the label.  
  
"It says it's Melon Brandy," he said doubtfully. "It says it's bottled by some monks to an ancient recipe," he added.  
  
"I'll try it. Mmhm, mhm."  
  
The man looked sideways at the empty classes on the counter, some of them still containing bits of fruit salad, cherries on a stick and small paper umbrellas.  
  
"Are you sure you haven't had enough?" he asked. It worried him vaguely that he couldn't seem to make out the stranger's face.  
  
The glass, with its drink crystallising out on the sides, disappeared into the hood and came out again empty.  
  
"No. What's the yellow one with the wasps in it?"  
  
"Spring Cordial, it says. Yes?"  
  
"Yes. And then the blue one with the gold flecks."  
  
"Er. Old Overcoat?"  
  
"Yes. Mhm, mhm. And then the second row."  
  
"Which one did you have in mind?"  
  
"All of them."  
  
The stranger remained bolt upright, the glasses with their burdens of syrup and assorted vegetation disappearing into the hood on a production line basis.  
  
It was at this time that Davis and T.K. walked into the bar. They pulled up seats beside the stranger and ordered anything the barman would give them. He gave them a strange eye, but he could tell that these two were in serious need of some alcohol, no matter their age.  
  
They sat there for a few seconds, then realized who the person beside them must be. "Um..." T.K. asked, "Kharn, is that you?"  
  
The figure didn't move and remained completely silent. But after a few seconds, a familiar voice said, "I never really told you my real name, mhm..."  
  
"But why aren't you with Kari--" Davis tried to ask, but he got interrupted.  
  
"I prefer to be called Evil InKharn8... it sounds cool, I'm not actually evil... mhm... Then there's DJ. KOSTeX... and, because I had to fill in for him once, some people know me as Death..."  
  
Davis and T.K. looked at each other, but said nothing, just resumed drinking, along with "Kharn".  
  
"I don't see the point," he said, looking critically at his present glass.  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"What's supposed to happen, mmph, mmhm?"  
  
"How many drinks have you had?"  
  
"Forty-seven."  
  
"Just about anything, then," said the barman and, because he knew his job and knew what was expected of him when people drank more or less alone in the small hours, he started to polish a glass with the slops cloth and said, "Your lady thrown you out, has she?"  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"Drowning your sorrows, are you?"  
  
"I have no sorrows. Mhm."  
  
"No, of course not. Forget I mentioned it." He gave the glass a few more wipes. "Just thought it helps to have someone to talk to," he said.  
  
Kharn was silent for another moment, thinking. Then he said: "You want to talk to me?"  
  
"Yes. Sure. I'm a good listener."  
  
T.K. chipped in. "I wouldn't mind listening to you either."  
  
"No one ever wanted to talk to me before. Mmhm, mhm."  
  
"That's a shame."  
  
"They never invite me to parties, you know."  
  
Davis made a 'tch' sound.  
  
"They all hate me. Everyone hates me, mhm, mhm. I don't have a single friend."  
  
"Everyone ought to have a friend," said the barman sagely.  
  
"I think--"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I think... I think I could be friends with the green bottle. Mhm."  
  
The barman slid the octagon-bottle along the counter. Kharn took it and tilted it over the glass. The liquid tinkled over the rim.  
  
"You drunk I'm think, don't you?"  
  
"I serve anyone who can stand upright best out of three," said the barman.  
  
"Yourrre absorootly right. But I--"  
  
He paused, one declamatory finger in the air.  
  
"Mhm... Was what I saying?"  
  
"You said he thought you were drunk," said Davis.  
  
"Ah. Yes, BUT I can be shober any time I like. This ish an experiment. And now I would likes to experiment with the orange brandy again, mhm, mhm."  
  
The barman sighed, and glanced at the clock. There was no doubt that he was making a lot of money, especially since Kharn didn't seem inclined to worry about overcharging or shortchange. He might even let the two kids off without paying. But it was getting late; in fact it was getting so late that it was getting early. There was also something about this stranger that unsettled him. People in this bar often drank as though there was no tomorrow, but this was the first time he'd actually felt they might be right.  
  
"I mean, what have I got to look forward to? Mmph, mmhm. Where's the sense in it all? What is it really all about?"  
  
"Can't say, my friend. I expect you'll feel better after a good night's sleep."  
  
"Sleep? Sleep? I never sleep. I'm wossname, proverbial for it."  
  
"Everyone needs their sleep. Even me," he hinted.  
  
"They all hate me, you know, mhm, mhm."  
  
"Yes, you said. But it's a quarter to three."  
  
Kharn turned unsteadily and looked around the silent room.  
  
"There's no one in the place but you and you and you and me," he said.  
  
The barman lifted the flap and came around the bar, helping the three down from their stools.  
  
"I haven't got a single friend, mhm. Even cats find me amusing."  
  
A hand shot out and grabbed a bottle of Amanita Liquor before the man managed to propel its owner to the door.  
  
"I don't have to be drunk, I said. Mmhm, mhm. Why do people like to be drunk? Is it fun?"  
  
"Helps them forget about life. Now just you lean there while I get the door open--"  
  
"Forget about life. Ha. Ha. Mhm."  
  
"You come back any time you like, all right?"  
  
"You'd really like to see me again?"  
  
The barman looked back at the small heap of coins on the bar. That was worth a little weirdness. At least this one was a quiet one, and seemed to be harmless.  
  
"Oh, yes," he said, propelling the three into the street and retrieving the bottle in one smooth movement. "Drop in anytime."  
  
"That's the nicehest thing--"  
  
The door slammed on the rest of the sentence.  
  
*****  
  
The three ended up sitting on a park bench at the edge of a park, looking out at the night.  
  
"Y'see, the city isa, isa, isa wossname. Thing," said Kharn.  
  
"Woman?" Davis filled in.  
  
"Thass what it is. Woman. Roaring, ancient, centuries old. Strings you along, lets you fall in thingy, love, with her, then kicks you inna, inna, thingy. Thingy, in your mouth."  
  
"Tongue," said T.K.  
  
"Tonsils," added Davis.  
  
"Teeth. That's what it, she, does. She isa... thing, you know, lady dog. Puppy. Hen. Bitch. And then you hate her and, and just when you think you got her, it, out of your, your, whatever, then she opens her great booming rotten heart to you, catches you off bal, bal, bal, thing. Ance. Yeah. Thassit."  
  
"Whassis got to do with a city?" asked T.K. drowsily.  
  
"Dunno, but seems right."  
  
"You know," said Davis with a goofy smile, "you haven't gone 'mhm' inna while... why d'you keep doin' that anyway?"  
  
Kharn frowned. "Oh, great. Thanks. Now I'm knurd."  
  
"Wha?"  
  
He closed his eyes. "Whenever I talk about that, I go into some strange reversal of being drunk."  
  
"So, why DID Kari kick you out?" aasked T.K., totally offhand.  
  
Kharn's eyes went really wide. "Argh! You're making it worse!"  
  
He began to dissipate, and in moments T.K. and Davis were alone on the bench, watching the sun rise all of a sudden.  
  
"Well... that sure was strange..." mumbled Davis.  
  
Then, in the distance, they heard someone calling their names. Someone familiar, someone like--  
  
"Kari?!" they both exclaimed, now also completely sober.  
  
She ran up to them, leaned on the bench for a second to catch her breath, and spoke. "I've been looking for you two all night! Where did you go?"  
  
T.K. and Davis looked at each other. If Kari wasn't with Kharn anymore, the knowledge of them drinking might push her away from them too... "We were just walking around."  
  
"All night?!" she practically yelled. Then she calmed herself. "But it doesn't matter. I found out that that bastard Kharn was a real ass-hole, so I dumped him, and I was looking for you guys to tell you who I've chosen between you two."  
  
Between the redundancy and cursing in her talk, both Davis and T.K. were lost.  
  
But Kari saw this, and fixed it easily... by kissing Davis. It dragged on a few seconds... then a minute... more minutes...  
  
T.K. was more disgusted than disappointed.  
  
Well, almost, considering how badly he took a second rejection... But that story-- if you could call it that-- is for another day. Preferably when none of us are alive to tell it or listen to it. So HA!  
  
THE END... !?":{]21308957  
  
*****  
  
Well, that's all, folks. I'ts over. Thanks go to all the people who reviewed me, my friend Ben for letting me use his computer to post this whole thing, my sister for the knowledge of Digimon (she practically did that whole Ch. 3). And of course, I couldn't forget Jeff. His unbridled hate for Digimon drove me to write something that would utterly torment him.  
  
Jeff, rot in hell. But don't leave, because I'll be joining you shortly.  
  
Digimon does NOT belong to me, nor do its characters or terms/terminology. The whole bar scene is a bit taken from Terry Pratchett's Discworld, so I have to mention him. None of those CDs are made by me, they belong to whoever made them. My two god-like beings ARE mine, however, so I'll be forced to kick your ass if you use them. There's probably more, but my fingers are getting cramped, and I only have that much tea left.  
  
*****  
  
You Have Just Been Presented  
  
"Who Gets Kari?"  
  
An EIK8 Production  
  
*****  
  
Until next time, KILL THEM!!! KILL THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
